I had my first crush ever, when I was in the fifth standard. It was on a boy who does not know I exist till date.
The fifth standard meant a lot of things. We started writing with pens, which was something I was dying to do, made me feel grown up. I think I felt more grown up that day, when I started writing with a pen for the first time than I do now. I was very excited first day of school, and packed and repacked my new pencil box. I always loved first day of school, when everything was new, my books, my bag, but mostly the stationary. Clean white erasers, the smell of new books, covering the books in brown paper, picking out labels for the books, wondering who the class teacher would be, who the new kids would be. One such year when I was 13, the Other walked into my life , tentatively, the chocolate covered boy with shining eyes, but that is another post.
The other big change was we moved out of junior quadrangle and into the senior quadrangle, where we were the tiniest mice of them all. We were in the ground floor of the senior quadrangle, and class 10 was on the first floor opposite our class room. The boys in class 10, in my tiny eyes were huge, they all seemed 8 feet tall, and in my memory are still 8 feet tall, and oh so handsome. There was this one particular boy, who was exuberant, whom everybody had a crush on. The girls would spend hours at the window, trying to catch his eye, and then collapse into helpless mush if he decided to speak to them,and then spend hours more discussing his every move. One girl, once went into theatrics and claimed she began menstruating the minute he brushed against her accidently. Soon he developed god status, and had a fan following that was almost all the girls in my class.
I was an aetheist all through my childhood, think I am agnostic now, don’t care enough to define my views, but then this brand of god did not appeal to me. Not wanting to be left out I carefully went through all the other boys, sifted through them one by one. There was one who’s eyes threatened to pop out of his face, I christened him the the lizard and let him be. Then there was the teachers’ son, who was, well a teachers’ son, and then, there was the smart guy, lanky and tall. I decided he was the one, and chose to have a crush on him .
Unfortunately I did not have company to moon over him, and had to often interject the god monologues with I like the lanky smart quiet guy. Nobody but my mother cared, so it was a quiet crush, a dignified crush. When all of us sat in the grass, and watched the seniors play basketball, the other girls would cheer and giggle for the god, sigh and scream as he performed his antics, I would just smile quietly , because I liked the quiet lanky guy, who infact played better basketball.
The god aware of his status, was extremely popular and loud and made sure everybody in school knew about his first kiss, and even made a public announcement that girls were not smart enough to get into IIT, but the quiet lanky guy, I don’t ever remember hearing his voice, but I heard he got into IIT.
So recently, I was whiling away time on facebook, (
do not misintepret for facebook stalking) and I came across the god’s profile and was rather disappointed, age and a career apparently did not agree with him. Today I was looking at a friend’s wedding pictures and presto there was the quite lanky guy, looking better than ever. I wish I could go give 10 year old me a hug, and say a crush well chosen, and please show this jurisdiction in your future relationships.And I wish I had, my teenage years unfortunatley were characterized by poor judgement and a determination to stick to that judgement, to save the troubled souls. Luckily somewhere good sense returned and Other was still there, still chocolate covered with the shining eyes.